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The Universe vs. I. Intern [Jul. 31st, 2009|07:16 pm]
Fans of MBLJoE

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[6_bleen_7]
The Infirm Intern's latest status update on Facebook is, well, typical:
knee is still throbbing today, and is very frustrated with Sallie Mae!! They r like ruthless loan sharks trying to suck money out of me that I do not have and threatening me if I don't pay!! They don't care that I have been out of work for 6 months and am broker than broke!!!
Whoa, hold on there: wasn't it just this March—four and a half months ago—that she began her lucrative multi-level marketing career? She ought to be financially independent by now, with a can't-miss opportunity like that.

Paradoxically, one can construe Alissa's relationship with the universe as a strong argument in favor of the existence of God. You've probably have known someone in a relationship in which Partner 1 is trying to break it off with Partner 2, but the more desperately Partner 1 tries to escape, the more tightly Partner 2 clings. Now put God and Alissa in the rôles of 1 and 2, respectively. Doesn't it seem like God is dropping a series of increasingly unsubtle hints that S/He'd rather not take credit for Alissa's pathological worldview? Alissa doesn't realize it, but her best course of action is to become an atheist. Then God would at least treat her with indifference.

As an aside, I wish I could always call 'em this accurately (from the same post in March):
My guesses: Amway distributor or Mary Kay Cosmetics rep (like Shelley Lynn!!). Prognosis: complete failure within one month.
But then again, the universe is nowhere nearly as predictable as the Infirm Intern.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: ejwise
2009-08-01 01:21 pm (UTC)
What I love about Alissa's delusions is not only her insistent belief in and prayer to God, but her absolute conviction that she's not responsible for incurring any of the private student loan debt that she legally and willingly accrued when she signed all those documents years back at the beginning of her private schooling. It's akin to getting a loan for a home, living in said home, not working, not making the mortgage payments, but then complaining that the lender is demanding payment. How dare they?!?" :p
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[User Picture]From: ejwise
2009-08-01 01:24 pm (UTC)
If she wasn't such a nincompoop, she could ask for forbearance on her loans by providing the necessary documentation proving that she's out of work.

Then again, I don't know the conditions of her private student loans. I do know that I can ask for forbearance with my Department of Ed loans as I'm working in a public school. Then again, I'm working.
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